I Couldn't Stop Myself
by CassyR5
Summary: "He's turning out to be a much better friend than she pegged him for." All the times Ally thought of her and Austin as something more. Potentially a four-shot.


**Summary: "He's turning out to be a much better friend than she pegged him for." All the times Ally thought of her and Austin as something more. Potentially a four-shot.**

**A/N: Somehow while listening to the song "Caught Myself" by Paramore, I was inspired to write this story. I honestly have no idea how, as the song is pretty much the complete opposite of this, but it did. And I happen to be pretty pleased with its turnout so far. So yeah.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Austin & Ally or "I Caught Myself" by Paramore, which is where I got the idea for the title, even though it's not taken directly from the song.**

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><p><em>i'm gonna make you do a double take<em>

It's the first time she's ever shared the piano bench with someone else and she's not gonna lie, she didn't realize just how small the benches are until now. He's pressed up right against her side from shoulder to knee and it's a little constricting, this closeness. Especially with someone she's known all of two days. But at the same time it's not horribly uncomfortable.

They're playing the bridge to the song they're trying to finish and neither of them are paying attention as they reach for the same key. Their fingers lightly touch, but it's enough to cause them both to jump in shock at the unexpected contact (even if they are already sitting directly beside each other with no personal space). She quickly glances up at him, and when she meets his gaze, has to look away to hide the reddening of her cheeks. How is it possible that he managed to make her blush from such a trivial form of contact? She accidentally touches strangers hands all the time at work, what with handing over change or helping out with an instrument. It shouldn't be that big of a deal. But something tells her that this may have more to do with the person she's with than the action. She quickly moves on from this. Better to get this song done and over with and maybe she'll never have to worry about him again.

_pull the plug_

She doesn't keep the piano he got her. Especially with what she's about to do.

She scheduled their songwriting session for 4, but she has something else planned. See, after knowing and working with Austin for a couple of weeks, she's learned something about them. And the something she learned is that they are nothing alike. And not just personality wise, but in their songwriting styles as well. Besides the fact he can't write, of course. But half the stuff she writes he finds boring. And it's been taking her so long to finish this next song. Part of that is due to the fact she wants to call it quits. Cancel the whole ordeal, because she's not sure how long they'll last, anyway.

But he walks in five minute later, and seeing his face she knows she can't do it. He looks too happy, excited to hear what she has planned for his music. As much as she struggles with writing for someone like him, someone so unlike herself, she's not sure she can crush his dreams. Not when she knows what that feels like.

So she puts on a smile for him and gets working. Maybe she'll be able to find a way to make this better in the future.

_it's not a love song_

When Dez tells her the reason behind Austin's odd behaviour is because he thinks she likes him, right away she feels embarrassed. Angry that he read her personal and private songbook, but also embarrassed.

How could he assume based off such vague descriptions that she has a crush on him? She was sure they established at least once that they were nothing more than friends and music partners. To develop a crush would be wrong, and frankly, she'd be lying if she said she wasn't at least a little worried about how it could affect them as friends. Who knows how many friendships have been diminished because of romance?

When she asks him later why he was so worried about her feelings, she's almost afraid it has something to do with her herself, and not them as friends. But when he tells her the same thing, that he didn't want to ruin their friendship, she's glad. She tries not to think about how differently things could've been if she actually _did_ have feelings for him. How much it might've changed them. She ignores this thought. She doesn't like him like that, and she's just happy to know that they're okay (she's also happy they managed to write a song out of this fiasco, but mostly about them).

_sometimes we collide_

She's a little surprised when he doesn't tell her he didn't like the song. She always assumed he was the type of person to say whatever's on his mind. But it seems he cares more about her feelings than she thought.

She's glad when he decides they should hang out more. When she thinks about it, they've been partners for a few months now and yet they don't really know each other all that well. It's about time they finally get to know one another.

Of course, while hanging out with him, she finds out that they're a lot more different than she had anticipated. She knew they were pretty different right from the start (it was increasingly obvious with each day), but besides music, she's not sure they have anything else in common.

But she also learns that despite their multitude of differences, they get along really well. Yeah, he may prefer horror movies to cloud watching, but maybe their differences is what makes them work. And she likes hanging out with him, even if one of them ends up falling asleep doing the other's favourite activity. It's just their friendship now, and she doesn't want to change it.

_spread my colourful wings_

She's honestly surprised when he steps up on the stage and interrupts her embarrassing attempt at performing again. His career is at stake, why would he be willing to face such ridicule for the sake of her dignity? It wouldn't be the first time something embarrassing happened to her, that's for sure.

But then he tells her how he'd rather lose his career due to a crazy hater than have her suffer from it. In his eyes, none of this is her fault, even if the reason behind this mess is because Tilly doesn't know how to let go of the past (who keeps a grudge for 10 years, anyway?).

And so he proceeds to sing her butterfly song for her, and she doesn't even try to ignore the warm feeling growing in her chest as he does.

_i will always stay by your side forever_

She's starting to think she's going to have to get used to the idea of him putting her before his career when he decides to dance with her at Trish's party. She's not even sure why; it's not like finally getting that first dance was such a big deal to her (secretly it was, but she decides to keep this to herself). And adding in the fact that he thinks this is more important than getting a chance to perform at clubs around the country makes her smile all the more. He's turning out to be a much better friend than she pegged him for.

_i'm a total surprise_

There he goes, putting her before his career again, and still she didn't see it coming. In her defense, she never expected to hear her own voice being the one to sing her own songs coming from the radio at all, so the whole thing is surprising. It doesn't help when she ends up being told to come perform live the following Friday, but it's the thought that counts, right?

Of course, the whole thing turns into a mess when Austin comes up with the idea to have Trish step in for her while she sings backstage. She's used to Dez's weird behaviour, but a mouse in his pants? Really?

But then Austin tells her that it doesn't matter if the world will never know how talented she is because he will, and everything is right again. She's known this boy all of a few months and somehow her world is managing to turn upside down for the better. Although, she's sure she'll never get used to how sweet he's turning out to be.

_we only got time for each other_

She's becoming increasingly mad at him when he keeps missing practices. How are they supposed to be partners if he doesn't even show up to rehearse? He tries to apologize, but it's just not enough anymore. She needs to see he's committed to this, or else maybe it's time to forget about it (she doesn't tell him this, of course, but she feels she definitely hints at it).

It doesn't get much better when the mall thief steals one of the guitars from the store and the cameras just so happen to catch Austin being the one to do so. And when she confronts him the only thing she gets out of him is his embarrassing middle name (she would've laughed if she wasn't so disappointed). But later that same day he returns the guitar with Bruno Mars' signature on it, and suddenly she's the guilty one for honestly thinking he would've stolen it. He quickly lets go of this, but she still feels she may have hurt him in some way.

It really doesn't help when the mall workers decide to come and find Austin at the store. And then Pirate Frank says something about Austin being her 'matey' and somehow the word sticks in her mind all night afterwards. It shouldn't mean much, especially in their current predicament. Besides, pirates call everyone matey. But a small part of her can't help but look at it from a different perspective. Matey may be used to describe friends, but it's also used to describe two people in a relationship. She wonders which definition Pirate Frank was using.

Matey. She pushes the word to the back of her mind, but it never fully leaves - in fact, it makes a bit of a reappearance when Austin gives her that calendar and basically says his time is all hers. She's beginning to hate the word now.

_stop hiding out in the shadows_

She's surprised at how willing he was to tell her such a deep secret of his. She's even more surprised with herself when she realizes that she trusts him enough to do the same. She's never fully explained to anyone how and why she has stage fright, and she finds it oddly refreshing when she's finally able to talk about it. His reaction may not be the best one she could've expected (she already knows how much it's getting in the way of her dreams, thank you very much), but if it helps him get over his own fear, it's worth it.

_i can get your heart beat beating like that_

She's been trying to write this love song for Austin for hours and she's not sure why it's taking so long.

Love songs are supposed to come so easy to her! She loves love, this song shouldn't be any different. Even if the information Austin gave her wasn't all that informative. But still. She's used to writing love songs based off ideas made purely from scratch in her mind; surely a little bit of help should make things easier.

But as she continues to sit struggling at the piano for the words to flow, for another idea, for _something_, she finds herself wondering if the lack of ideas isn't the only thing holding her back. Because for the first time since becoming Austin's songwriter, he's asking her to write him a love song. And for the first time since being a songwriter herself, she's never had to write a love song based off someone else's feelings. And for the first time ever, she can't think of a single word to put down on the piece of paper in front of her.

She looks at the notes she took from when she talked to Austin, and finally something comes to mind. But it isn't a song idea. It's another potential reason for her struggle. She's never given it much thought, but what if the reason she can't write a love song for him is because it isn't really _for_ him? Yeah, it's for him to sing, but to sing to another girl. For once, he won't be looking at her as he sings her lyrics to the crowd.

The second she thinks this she knows it's true. But why? Why is she feeling this way? She certainly wants to be happy Austin's finally found a girl he really likes. And there's nothing wrong with Cassidy - other than the fact she won't go out with Austin, but that's a minor detail. Yet, it's a minor detail that seems to make her feel happier than she should.

Suddenly the word jealous flashes through her mind. Jealous? Of Cassidy? But that's impossible. Her and Austin are just friends, why would she feel jealous of him liking a different girl? Especially when she's never once wanted to _be_ that girl. Even now.

She shakes her head to get rid of these thoughts. She needs the room to think of lyrics, not silly thoughts about her and Austin. With one more glance at her notes, she sets her pencil to paper and writes what she can.

_don't forget that i got your back_

When it's clear he's unable to hit the high note in his new song, a part of her feels as if she may have pushed him too much when recording it. But then again, it may have just been something that would've happened eventually anyway, so she tries to focus on helping him get better.

But it only seems to get worse when they find out the problem, and that trying to fix it may damage his voice. It's either no surgery but unable to sing certain notes or surgery and risk no singing at all. She's afraid for him to risk such a thing. They all are. But he tells her he doesn't know what he'd do if he couldn't sing her songs, and it makes her smile. Singing in his life, yes, but the fact he's also willing to risk this for her, too, somehow makes it seem like there's more to lose without trying. And when all goes well and he _finally_ lands that record deal, she thinks maybe life's a little better when you take some risks.

_it's no fun when you're doin' it solo_

The first thing she feels is happiness. She finally got accepted to the school of her dreams, how could she not feel happy? But then Trish mentions how it's in Miami, and suddenly her happiness fades. They think MUNY is in Miami? Is that why they were so willing to let her go? Because they assumed she'd still be in town?

She decides to deliver the news concerning the school the only way she knows best. Austin's the first one to say something about it, and it breaks her heart how sad he looks when he does. She tries to ignore the own heartbreak she feels when he protests at her going. Doesn't he understand how important this is to her? He finally has his own career going, shouldn't he at least be the one to understand how desperately she wants this? And how he should be able to let her go? She won't lie, she's a little disappointed all her friends assumed she wouldn't go because of location reasons. It's her dream school; how could she possibly throw that opportunity away?

But then Austin sings her that amazing song as his album release party, despite Jimmy's protests. And the video her friends put together to say goodbye... It makes her realize just how much she's going to miss them in New York. But as the video ends and Austin concludes his speech to her, it hits her that, in a way, she's already living her dream. She's making music with her friends, what more could she want in life? MUNY can wait. For now, she's just glad she can do what she loves surrounded by the people she loves.

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><p><strong>So yeah. This is technically the first chapter of what I'm planning to be a four-shot, so one chapter per season. The update schedule will probably be a bit of a mess, then, since I can only post the one for season 2 now and pretty soon season 3, but I have no idea when season 4 will end, so...yeah. We'll just have to wait and see. And thanks for reading! :)<strong>


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